Hello.
Pause.
How are
you?
I’m
okay. What you been doing?
Pause.
Oh,
nice. You know this and that. Nothing big. Bit of Christmas shopping. Got the
kids some bits. On the train back now.
How you
been, better today?
Oh
good, good to hear. I’m feeling like I’m catching it too a bit now.
Yeah I
know. Spreads so easy. Catches like wild fire.
Like
wild fire?
I said
it catches like wild fire. Do you not have good signal?
I said it catches like-
Oh
don’t worry. Where are you?
Hello?
Hello?
Can you
hear me?
Oh, you
have such a bad signal, where are you?
Where?
Oh.
Pause.
What are you doing there? I thought you
said you felt better?
Since
when?
You
didn’t tell me.
When
were you going to tell me?
I said when were you going to tell me?
Why
didn’t you say?
Who
cares if I’d have worried, I would have appreciated you telling me. Why didn’t
you talk to me?
I would
have listened.
-God
sake, you can’t keep these things from me anymore.
How
long have you been there?
Since
when?
What
have they said?
When?
When do
you find out?
Oh.
Pause.
What
did they say?
Beat.
Oh.
Hiya.
Pause.
I’m
fine, fine. You okay?
Not
much. Nothing really. Took the dog for a walk.
Pause.
You?
Wanted
to get out of the house for a bit.
Yeah.
Yeah it
does catch on.
What?
Huh?
Yeah, I
hear you.
Pause.
Hospital.
I’m at
the hospital.
Pause.
I
started to, I guess I just didn’t feel right.
This
morning.
You
went to work.
Later.
When
you were going to be home.
Didn’t
want you to worry.
I
didn’t say that.
I
didn’t want to.
I know
just-
I know
I just-
A
while.
Since
four.
They’d
get back to me.
When
they can.
They
told me.
Pause.
They
said,
Pause.
They
said its back.
Hiya
Mum, it’s me.
Hello?
Mum? Mum?
Yes,
hello.
I just
said hello!
Alright,
alright. How you been? You all okay?
How’s
Dad?
How’s
his back?
Yeah,
tell him to stop going into the garden and rest up. He’s not sixty anymore.
Haha,
yeah I guess you’re right. He picks and chooses who he listens to.
No, no
it’s okay. I’ll talk to him soon.
Yeah
we’re good. We’re okay.
Pause.
Getting
ready for Christmas?
Yeah,
Rose has only just started.
Have I
started?
Don’t
be silly. I do all my Christmas shopping a few days before.
I know,
but I get it done in the end, even if you get a voucher for M&S.
Huh?
Who? Oh, how’s Rose?
Yep,
she’s fine.
Yep
kids are good, they’re fine too.
Everyone’s
fine.
Yeah
we’re looking forward to seeing you too.
Yeah
we’ll get the drinks, you get the food like we always do?
Yeah,
yeah that’s good.
Yeah
you can do.
I’ll
get a few bottles, yeah.
Haha,
yes. After all it is Christmas.
Okay.
Okay, I’ll speak to you soon Mum.
I’ll
see you soon. Say Hi to Dad for me.
Okay.
Will do.
Love
you too.
Bye
Mum.
Bye.
Bye.
He picks up the phone again.
It rings. And rings. And rings. The
voicemail recording plays.
‘Hello, you have reached the T Mobile
voicemail, 0 7 5 5 8 4 9 0 3 8 4 is not available to take your call. At the
tone please record your message.’
Hi,
Rose, Hi-
‘ If at any point you want to change
your message’-
Fuck
sake.
‘Press the hash key’-
Rose,
Hi.
‘Or press 3’-
God
sake!
‘To delete. BEEP.’
Rose!
Finally! I had to go through a whole lot to get to your voicemail to talk to
you. I just, I just wanted to say, I’m sorry. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you the
minute you rang. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you the minute I found out and rang
you. I’m sorry I didn’t tell my Mum on the phone. I’m sorry I want to tell her
to her face. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you to your face. I’m sorry I was so
selfish that I didn’t put you first over me. I am so selfish.
I’m
sorry, I’m sorry.
I’m
sorry its back. I’m sorry we’re back at the beginning. I’m sorry, really I am.
But
really, really I’m sorry you’re with me. That you have to go through it again.
Cause sure, it’s tough. I mean, it was hard enough the first time, what’s it
going to be like now? But.
You
know what? I’m the one with recurring cancer. So, this may sound selfish, and
I’m sorry. But really, really I feel
sorry for myself.
Oh.
And I’m
sorry I didn’t tell you to your face.
Again.
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