Friday, 23 January 2015
How are you?
I’m okay. What you been doing?
Oh, nice. You know this and that. Nothing big. Bit of Christmas shopping. Got the kids some bits. On the train back now.
How you been, better today?
Oh good, good to hear. I’m feeling like I’m catching it too a bit now.
Yeah I know. Spreads so easy. Catches like wild fire.
Like wild fire?
I said it catches like wild fire. Do you not have good signal?
I said it catches like-
Oh don’t worry. Where are you?
Can you hear me?
Oh, you have such a bad signal, where are you?
What are you doing there? I thought you said you felt better?
You didn’t tell me.
When were you going to tell me?
I said when were you going to tell me?
Why didn’t you say?
Who cares if I’d have worried, I would have appreciated you telling me. Why didn’t you talk to me?
I would have listened.
-God sake, you can’t keep these things from me anymore.
How long have you been there?
What have they said?
When do you find out?
What did they say?
I’m fine, fine. You okay?
Not much. Nothing really. Took the dog for a walk.
Wanted to get out of the house for a bit.
Yeah it does catch on.
Yeah, I hear you.
I’m at the hospital.
I started to, I guess I just didn’t feel right.
You went to work.
When you were going to be home.
Didn’t want you to worry.
I didn’t say that.
I didn’t want to.
I know just-
I know I just-
They’d get back to me.
When they can.
They told me.
They said its back.
Hiya Mum, it’s me.
I just said hello!
Alright, alright. How you been? You all okay?
How’s his back?
Yeah, tell him to stop going into the garden and rest up. He’s not sixty anymore.
Haha, yeah I guess you’re right. He picks and chooses who he listens to.
No, no it’s okay. I’ll talk to him soon.
Yeah we’re good. We’re okay.
Getting ready for Christmas?
Yeah, Rose has only just started.
Have I started?
Don’t be silly. I do all my Christmas shopping a few days before.
I know, but I get it done in the end, even if you get a voucher for M&S.
Huh? Who? Oh, how’s Rose?
Yep, she’s fine.
Yep kids are good, they’re fine too.
Yeah we’re looking forward to seeing you too.
Yeah we’ll get the drinks, you get the food like we always do?
Yeah, yeah that’s good.
Yeah you can do.
I’ll get a few bottles, yeah.
Haha, yes. After all it is Christmas.
Okay. Okay, I’ll speak to you soon Mum.
I’ll see you soon. Say Hi to Dad for me.
Okay. Will do.
Love you too.
He picks up the phone again.
It rings. And rings. And rings. The voicemail recording plays.
‘Hello, you have reached the T Mobile voicemail, 0 7 5 5 8 4 9 0 3 8 4 is not available to take your call. At the tone please record your message.’
Hi, Rose, Hi-
‘ If at any point you want to change your message’-
‘Press the hash key’-
‘Or press 3’-
‘To delete. BEEP.’
Rose! Finally! I had to go through a whole lot to get to your voicemail to talk to you. I just, I just wanted to say, I’m sorry. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you the minute you rang. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you the minute I found out and rang you. I’m sorry I didn’t tell my Mum on the phone. I’m sorry I want to tell her to her face. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you to your face. I’m sorry I was so selfish that I didn’t put you first over me. I am so selfish.
I’m sorry, I’m sorry.
I’m sorry its back. I’m sorry we’re back at the beginning. I’m sorry, really I am.
But really, really I’m sorry you’re with me. That you have to go through it again. Cause sure, it’s tough. I mean, it was hard enough the first time, what’s it going to be like now? But.
You know what? I’m the one with recurring cancer. So, this may sound selfish, and I’m sorry. But really, really I feel sorry for myself.
And I’m sorry I didn’t tell you to your face.