The Archive

Friday, 19 September 2014


You love someone and you're either friends or lovers, or simply  two souls merged into one.
You spent countless hours together, going on and on about life and all its meanings.
You may actually get to a point where you don't need to figure anything out, because what you seem to have discovered, is more than enough to help you get through anything.
Two souls merged into one..
What a beautiful thing it is to be with someone, as if 'being' would never be the same if one of the two were to magically disappear. And I say magically not to sound poetic, quite the contrary actually. I say magically because, when two becomes one, sometimes there is nothing beyond simply that. Two becomes One. No excuse or explanation is given. It is needed - more than anything - it's just not given. It is astonishing to me to think where that goes. That, being the thing you two created, which remains nameless for it is something never to be explained in words.
It is sad really, having to go through every conversation you had with that someone, trying to figure out what you said that may led them to break this bond. It has to be something you said, or maybe something you did not. At the end of the day though, this matters really little. What matters is that there is nothing left.
Oh, but there is. Nothing is left, ​a kind of nothing that no one will be able to replace. No, not replace, fill. An unfilled nothing never to be filled. I cannot put it down in the writing any better.
But where does it go, that thing which I will not ever name? Does it live in silence in both of us, or is it just the one of the two who suffers from its absence? Do we both miss it, or is it just me or you who wishes things would never change? 
Do you miss it, then?
Or is it just me...

Raphael Panayi

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